We Did Something Crazy

 A little over three weeks ago, we packed up a moving truck and closed the door to our New York house for the last time. We spent the night in a hotel and then next morning, my husband dropped me and the two younger kids off at the airport, while he and our oldest drove the truck across the country to our new home...Arizona!

They're a little out of order, but the bottom one is our 5am drive to the airport. Next is takeoff, holding her brother's hand because she couldn't stop crying (it was two flights and a quick layover. She was done.) Then seeing Arizona for the first time. (Yes, we moved without ever having been here before.)

We got to Phoenix and my husband had rented us a car. A fancy car. 

I'd never driven anything so nice before. We'd given our car away in NY and my husband asked me to buy a new one when I got here. I've never bought a car on my own, but Carmax really made it simple. (Being there for three hours with a three year old was anything but simple.) I ended up buying a GMC Terrain and we absolutely love it.

The picture of the moutains was from when we walked out of Target. We were in awe. Definitely looked like tourists for the first few days. 

We saw our new apartment, but there wasn't much we could do without the moving truck. We stayed with my cousin and her daughter, and we had five days to wait for my husband and son to get here.  

What Are Your Comfort Books or Movies?

 

My go-to when I need to just chill is definitely a movie. I can't read books anymore during the day. I'm constantly interrupted by a kid needing something or crying about something. Which, I get it, I'm a mom. It's in the job description that I'm interrupted all day, every day.

But, for me, it's too hard to get back into a book once I've had to stop to change a poopy diaper or find a snack for the 600th time that hour. 

A movie is easier to pause and jump back to. Plus, I'm a visual person and can easily get drawn into a movie and its world. 

Two of my favorite go-to comfort movies are: Take This Waltz with Seth Rogan and Michelle Williams, and Little Birds with Juno Temple and  Kay Panabaker. I've watched them both many times and they never fail to relax me. 

I don't normally read until I'm in bed, unless it's aloud to the kids or for school. But my all-time-favorite book that brings me right back to being 11 and reading with a flashlight when I was supposed to be sleeping, is Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. I still have my original copy that looks just like that one on the left. My mom gave it to me for Easter in 1981, when I was 11. (I know this because she wrote on the inside and dated it). It's so weird how a book can bring back strong nostalgic feelings even from over 40 years ago. 

Not-So-Magical Homeschool Day

 I always have good intentions. They usually end with me yelling at someone. Or sometimes no one specific.

Today is beautiful outside, so my intention was to do our homeschooling on our deck. The stairs are blocked off with multi-colored gates I found on the side of the road. We have a kiddie slide and rocking horse on the deck. But, of course, she likes to play with the burned charcoal under the grill.

Anyway...I cleaned our glass table and brought out dusty books on space outside. (Dusty because we were in Florida for two weeks and I haven't been homeschooling consistently. You can also tell it's been a minute because my son said, "I didn't think we did school anymore," when I called him outside.)

I should have known better. The image I had in my head for how our schooling would go, was nothing like reality.

It started out nice. Then I ended up jumping up every two or three minutes to get her water, or socks, or she pooped. Or this...

 I brought us inside after this happened. Only to have Violet rip the fraction cards I was using to teach Henry. I gave up soon after. Tomorrow is another day.

Then and Now

I went back and read my very first blog post from July 2009. It's like reading someone else's life. I can feel the excitement in that post. I was preparing to direct a short film I'd written. Working on that film is still a highlight in my life. 

At that time I was 39, had a 3 1/2 year old son we'd just adopted, and I was writing constantly...comedy sketches, novels, screenplays (both short and long). And we were cleaning 3-4 houses a day.  Back then I read books on writing, listened to podcasts while cleaning (yes, way back then), and audiobooks all on writing. 

Fast-forward 12 years, 8 months, and 14 days, and I'm nothing like that girl who thought about writing stories all day. 

Now my days are filled with chasing my 2 year old, arguing with my 16 year old, and trying to pay enough attention to my 11 year old who gets lost in the middle. I simultaneously want more kids and miss the days of only having one. 

Our house is always loud now. Like unnecessarily so. The kids yell, laugh, fight, and just plain talk loud. And my husband usually has an album playing on the record player because, "Why not? It's already noisy in here."

I watch old videos from 2009 and our house was incredibly quiet. No wonder I was able to write so much. 

Looking back on here, I've noticed I wrote a lot about ADHD, which I was sure I had. I still think I do. My doctor at the time wouldn't let me get tested. I have no idea why or why I didn't leave and never go back. I have a new doctor now and had an appointment to get tested for ADHD in March of 2020. We all know what happened then. The doctor cancelled my appointment and now I have no idea who it was even with. But it's something I'm going to pursue again.

These past 12 years have been filled with kids. Lots and lots of kids. And that, honestly, burned me out on life in general. It aged me in ways I wasn't expecting. Doing emergency foster care for two years was rough. Mainly because our then-two year old adopted son didn't know how to communicate well with us so his needs weren't being met like he needed them to be. After another tearful visit to his pediatrician, she suggested we take a break with fostering. So we immediately closed our house. And he got so much better. For two years we focused on him and our seven year old. 

Bu the summer of 2017, I was missing babies and wanted to talk to my husband about fostering and possibly adopting again. I had to time it just right so I waited until we were in Disney World, relaxing in the pool to bring it up. He surprised me by saying yes immediately. 

Within the next two years we had five newborn baby girls. The last one we adopted this past December, and we just closed our house for good last week. 

Maybe for good.

Probably. 

I Fail Consistently

 

And from the looks of my old blog posts, it truly is consistent. 

If I'm not completely forgetting my kids' doctors/dentist/eye appointments (even though they're written plain as day on my white board stuck to the fridge), I'm looking like an idiot during the office visit.

Today I took my 11 year old in for his yearly check-up. I was only three months late. But I actually showed up, so...progress.

When the doctor came in she read his chart and asked if he was still on the meds she prescribed last year, and if he'd been seeing the therapist she recommended.

Now, if I'd been prepared for the questions, I would have had an answer ready. One that didn't make me look like a terrible, forgetful mother. But I wasn't prepared. So I just stared at her blankly and said, "Um...medicines? I don't think he...um..." and just repeated those fascinating words over and over until she just stared at me. She reminded me the meds were for his allergies (he's allergic to trees, grass, cats, dogs, dust...you name it). All I knew was that he's not on any meds at all. I racked my brain trying to remember her telling me to have him take something. 

Nope. Couldn't remember. 

She moved onto the therapist. "Is he still seeing a therapist for his anger, or did that remedy?"

"Um, I remember he had a Skype appointment with a therapist in March of 2020, but he wouldn't respond to any of the therapists questions."

There. I remembered. Phew.

"Yeah, you mentioned that last year, but then I gave you a list of therapists he could see in person." She took in my disappointed look. "So I take it he hasn't spoken to anyone? Well, I'd pursue that. I think it could help him."

I made two mental notes: 

(a) I'm a total failure of a mother. Yes, I remembered to show up today, but I didn't do anything she asked me to do last time. 

(b) check out at the desk when we leave so I can get the therapists names again, and don't just leave.

I silently beat myself up for the rest of the visit. Then we left.

Right out the door, past the check out. I didn't remember until I got home that I hadn't stopped on our way out. 

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Creative Rebel eMagazine

Creative Rebel Manifesto

Do something small to begin living the life you

imagine. Start today. Write down your Bucket List, and start

DOING it. Do the easiest stuff first, if that gets you going. You’ve got

this. Step out of the norm and be wild. Take

risks in your creative life. Think you

can’t write or paint? Do it anyway. You’ll be

amazed how much better you get when you

keep at it. Create adventure. You can make

anything fun. Be grateful and kind. Less is More.

Take care of your body, mind, and soul.

                                             Meditate daily, even for three minutes. Carve

                                             your own path and lead the way. 
                                             Let criticism roll off with a smile. 
                                             Keep the word “can’t” out of your vocabulary.                                                          Embrace your weirdness. Be proud.

                                             Be a rebel.

My Unasked-For Thoughts on Writing

Writing is fun.

It's easy and I get nothing but pure pleasure from sitting down to write every morning, right after I wake up and feed my unicorn.

Scratch all that. Writing is fucking hard.

Why anyone would want to be a writer is beyond me. I believe the only reason there are writers in the world, is because a true writer can't NOT write.

A writer can't help but want to write down dialogue they hear between strangers. Yesterday I was waiting for my son to come out of a Target bathroom. A male employee walked past me toward the Employees Only door. Before he could enter, about five other employees came out. The male employee smiled and said, "Hey, I'm your new co-worker. It's so amazing to meet you!" and he hugged every employee standing there.

I had to write that down. Had to. I wanted to know more about this guy who shows up for work on his first day and ecstatically hugs his new coworkers.

I kinda wanted to be his friend.

Is he always like that? Did something great happen to him that morning to make him so happy? Or does he suffer from depression and it takes everything in him to appear happy every day?

Whatever his story is, a writer will walk away thinking about it and making up crazy scenarios. It's in our blood. And even though it comes naturally to us, it's still fucking hard to do every day.

I'm Not Weird. I Swear.

Our family tends to do things a little differently that most people we know. My husband and I didn't like working 9-5 jobs for a few hundred dollars a week, so we both quit and started our own cleaning business. People said we'd fail. They said we were crazy for quitting our jobs and taking a chance. We've had our business now for eleven years and make way more money than we would at "normal" jobs.


Now, after a few years of deliberating, I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to continue house cleaning forever. I've decided to quit within the next year or two to concentrate on expanding my creativity, and seeing where that takes me. So far I have many wonderful options I'm exploring.


We can't have kids so we decided to become foster parents to adopt. This was not a road I dreamed of going down when I was a kid. Fostering can be extremely rewarding, difficult and frustrating. But all of our tears and frustrations were worth it for the beautiful day in August of 2009 when we adopted our son. 


We don't like the school systems so we homeschool. We've taken lots (and lots) of flack for this, but we don't care. We do what's best for our family. Homeschooling is not for everyone, but it is definitely for us and we love it. 


My husband has always wanted to move out of state. I've always been the one to resist, saying I didn't want to leave my family. But something has shifted in the last eight months (I seriously think it's the work I've put into our Facebook page, Learn to Live Simply and Creatively, where we encourage and inspire people to live the life they want and be the best person they can be). We are now planning on moving to Colorado, hopefully next summer/fall. We've never been there but will be visiting this August to check out towns and neighborhoods. This will obviously be a huge deal for all of us, moving across the country, but we are really excited.


When I look back at all of the "odd" things we do, I realize that I've been looking at it wrong. We're not weird for the things we do. We just see changes that we want made and we do them. We didn't like working 9-5 so we created our own company. We couldn't have biological kids so we adopted. We didn't want to send our son to school, so we homeschool. We don't want to be those people in their 80's who regret never moving away from their hometown, so we're (planning on) doing it. 


I've never regretted one thing that we've done, and I will always be proud of us for taking the chances we've taken. I think if more people stopped complaining about their life and started taking steps towards changing it, they'd be much happier. YOU are in charge of your own happiness, no one else is. 

Jumping In

Yesterday I had some sort of crazy inspiration strike me. All I wanted to do all day long was doodle and color. I ended up getting three things done, and they weren't too bad for a first time. 

My goal is to make e-courses, workbooks, calendars and more with my own doodle/drawings included. I still need lots of practice, but it's so much fun it definitely doesn't feel like work. I may try adding some water colors once I'm done with the colored pencils. I just have to figure out how to get it all into the computer, then be able to type on it. 

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together

Something pretty cool happened today. I had an appointment with Law of Attraction Life Coach, Linda Armstrong. I was nervous about calling because I didn't really know what we'd talk about. She knew some of the things going on in my life now because of a form I filled out before hand, but there wasn't anything specific I had in mind to discuss. 

I can't remember how I had found Linda, but I remember emailing her a few months ago about the law of attraction and what it means to me. She kept in contact with me, and I eventually signed up for a free session. 

She asked me a lot of questions about where I see my life heading, and our conversation mostly stayed around the plans my husband and I have. She did a meditation session with me (my first ever), and it was amazing! I'm definitely going to do more meditating in the future. 

On top of becoming a creativity coach, I've been contemplating becoming a life coach as well. I didn't realize there was such a thing as a law of attraction life coach. She told me about her training and where she studied, and it sounds perfect. I feel like there was a reason I wasn't finding the right place to train for life coaching...maybe the place she studied at is the right one for me. I hope it is. 

I felt a very strong connection to her and the things she was telling me. A lot of what she said was just confirming what I've already been feeling. And she also gave me some great tips on how to move past some doubts I was having about possibly moving, and how I'll be able to get certified (since it's so darn expensive).  I can't wait to implement her techniques and learn more about the law of attraction life coaching.

What Moves Me to be Creative

I've been messing around with my blog title, and what exactly it is I want my blog to be. I was working (cleaning) the other day, and thinking about what it is that gets me in a creative mood. I normally listen to podcasts all day at work to make the time go by quicker, but that day I was listening to music. And it suddenly hit me that music is my muse. I can listen to almost any song and get a story idea from it. Sometimes it's just a scene that flashes in to my head, or an overwhelming feeling of how a character is feeling. But songs almost always give me inspiration and a story. 

When I write, I love to blast my music. I usually favor the 70's rock era, but I'll also listen to pop, 80's, grunge, Sinatra, Indie, movie scores...you name it. It all depends on what type of mood I'm trying to create in my story. If I'm working on a scene with fast-moving dialogue, I've played AC/DC on a loop to help. And it does. It's hard to write slowly while listening to AC/DC. 

The title idea Rockin' the Creativity came to me while I was working, and I'm still rolling it around in my brain to see if I like it. 

I think I do.