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- I hated getting up early so much when I was little, I used to sleep in my school uniform so I could sleep longer. I was a wrinkled mess in third grade.
- Every week in third grade, I paid the cutest boy, Timothy DiImperial, eleven cents to talk to me. I should have paid him more because he never did talk to me.
- When I was little I had a great-aunt Stella whose head looked like a brussell sprout: it was a big round head with short, cropped gray hair. I didn't like her and I've never liked brussell sprouts because of her.
- Since I slept over my grandma's so often, she showed me where she kept the smelling salts in case she every fainted. When she was busy, I used to go into the bathroom and smell them and get dizzy.
- In kindergarten there was a kid who got a pussy willow stuck up his nose, and the teacher had to remove it with tweezers.
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